Dating has always come with its fair share of challenges, but modern romance has added a unique twist to the mix. Alongside navigating emotions and connections, you now have to decode a dictionary’s worth of confusing, often frustrating terms. Ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, and a dozen other buzzwords have become shorthand for behaviors that can leave you scratching your head or nursing a bruised ego. These terms didn’t exist in our parents’ dating world, but here we are, rolling our eyes and Googling what we just got called out for in a group chat.
The thing about these dating terms is that, while the language may be new, the behaviors themselves are as old as time. Ghosting is just a modern way to describe disappearing without explanation. Benching is essentially stringing someone along. What’s changed is how we talk about these things and how dating apps and tech have shaped the way they play out in real-time. If you’ve been left wondering what someone meant when they accused their ex of “orbiting” or why your last date “zombied” you, this guide will walk you through the most common modern dating terms and what they mean.
What Is Ghosting, Anyway?
Ghosting might be the most infamous term in modern dating. It’s when someone you’re seeing or talking to abruptly cuts off all communication without warning or reason. One minute, you’re swapping favorite playlists and planning your next date, and the next, they vanish into thin air. No texts, no calls, no explanation. It’s as if they were never there to begin with, hence the term “ghosting.”
Ghosting stings because it leaves you with unanswered questions. Did you do something wrong? Were they even interested in the first place? The lack of closure can feel maddening. Ghosting tends to happen most often in the early stages of dating when things are still casual and one person feels like they can exit without any consequences. While ghosting is common, it’s widely frowned upon because it makes the other person feel discarded, as though they weren’t even worth a conversation.
The Lowdown on Benching
Benching is a lot like being put on the back burner, and, no, it doesn’t feel great. Someone who benches you keeps you in their life just enough to ensure you’re interested, but not enough to give you a real, meaningful relationship. They’ll send flirty texts every now and then, like your Instagram stories, and maybe even go on casual dates with you—but they won’t commit to anything serious or consistent.
The motivation behind benching is usually self-serving. They might like the attention you give them or the idea of having a “backup” if their other options don’t pan out. For the person being benched, this can be frustrating and confusing, especially if the bencher sends mixed signals by alternating between warmth and coldness.
Benching can be tough to spot because it often masks itself as busyness or indecisiveness. They might say things like, “Work’s crazy right now, but I really like spending time with you.” While everyone gets busy, someone who consistently makes excuses without moving your relationship forward might be benching you.
Breadcrumbing and False Hope
Breadcrumbing is like digital flirting gone wrong. This happens when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you hanging on but never follows through with anything real. They may send sporadic texts that feel flirty or reply to your posts in a way that makes you hopeful, but they lack the intention or effort to develop the relationship further.
The name “breadcrumbing” comes from the idea of leaving breadcrumbs to keep someone following you. It’s frustrating because it plays on your emotions and creates a cycle of hope and disappointment. People who breadcrumb often want the ego boost of knowing someone’s interested in them but aren’t necessarily looking to reciprocate that interest.
If you find yourself in a breadcrumbing situation, the best thing you can do is recognize the pattern. Are they initiating meaningful conversations? Are they making actual plans to see you? If it’s all vague messages and empty promises, you may want to save your energy for someone who’s truly invested.
What Does It Mean to Orbit Someone?
Orbiting is one of those newer terms that could only exist in the age of social media. It describes when someone stops talking to you but continues to engage with your content online. For example, maybe they ghosted you, yet they still watch all your Instagram stories or like your tweets. It can feel confusing and even a little unsettling because, on one hand, they’ve made it clear they don’t want to be in your life, but on the other, they’re lingering just enough to stay on your radar.
The motivations behind orbiting can vary. Some people do it because they’re curious or nosy, while others might want to keep a connection option open without putting in any actual effort. Whatever the reason, orbiting makes it hard for you to move on because it keeps them in your periphery.
The best way to handle orbiting is to remind yourself that their online actions don’t necessarily mean anything more than casual interest. If it’s bothering you, muting or unfollowing is always an option.
What’s the Deal with Zombied Love?
If ghosting wasn’t bad enough, now there’s also “zombied” to contend with. This term describes when someone who disappeared on you suddenly comes back out of nowhere, like a zombie rising from the grave. Maybe they text you weeks or months after vanishing, acting like nothing happened, or they slide into your DMs with a casual, “Hey, stranger.”
Being zombied can be surprisingly common in the age of dating apps. Someone might have ghosted you because they were pursuing a different connection, but then when that didn’t work out, they decided to revisit old flames. While it’s tempting to engage, especially if you still have feelings for them, it’s worth asking yourself whether you’re okay with being treated as a fallback option.
Love Bombing and Its Disguises
Love bombing might sound positive, but in reality, it’s a red flag. This happens when someone overwhelms you with affection, attention, and gifts early in a relationship as a way of gaining your trust and flattering you. At first, it can feel like a whirlwind romance, like they’re deeply invested in you. However, the pace can feel unnatural, and the affection often comes with strings attached.
Love bombing is usually about control or manipulation rather than genuine interest. The person loves how infatuated you feel and uses that energy to get what they want. Keeping an eye on whether their actions match their words and whether they respect your boundaries is key to identifying love bombing before it causes emotional harm.
Fading and Mixed Signals
Fading isn’t as abrupt as ghosting but is equally frustrating. It happens when someone gradually distances themselves instead of being honest about their feelings. They’ll take longer to reply to messages, cancel plans more often, and generally act less engaged over time. It’s like they’re hoping you’ll take the hint without them having to say anything outright.
Fading is often done out of a fear of confrontation or simply a lack of respect for the other person’s time and emotions. It can create a sense of unresolved tension because it denies you the chance to have a real conversation about where things went wrong. Setting clear boundaries and asking for straightforward communication can help you avoid getting stuck in this kind of dynamic.
These modern dating terms have given us ways to vocalize behaviors that have become all too common, but they’ve also highlighted how complicated connections can get in the digital age. Understanding the motivations and patterns behind them can help you set boundaries and protect your emotional energy as you navigate the ups and downs of romance. If you’ve been on the receiving end of any of these trends, know that you’re not alone, and there’s always room for healthier, more fulfilling relationships ahead.
