Sometimes relationships can be… complicated. You’re polite around each other, exchange a smile or two, maybe even laugh at a joke. But deep down, there’s a little tension brewing, a lingering sense of rivalry or unresolved feelings. Welcome to the world of frenemies. Whether it’s a coworker, someone in your extended social circle, or even a person you’ve had past misunderstandings with, these in-between relationships can feel tricky.

Turning a frenemy into a genuine friend isn’t impossible, though. Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of effort, a shift in perspective, and a willingness to put yourself out there. After all, some of the closest friendships have humble beginnings, even ones filled with bumps and awkwardness. If you’ve been looking for ways to move past the thinly-veiled competition or guarded smiles and create a real connection, this guide is here to help you bridge the gap.

Breaking Down the Frenemy Dynamic

Before you can transition from frenemies to friends, it’s helpful to understand what’s fueling the tension in the first place. Frenemy relationships often stem from competition, misunderstandings, or a simple clash of personalities. Maybe you crossed paths in a way that felt like you were constantly being compared. Or perhaps one of you felt slighted by something that was never addressed.

Frenemies can also pop up in neutral situations, like school or work, where people are naturally thrown together but don’t immediately click. Sometimes, the dynamic feels strained because of the environment, not necessarily the people involved. For example, competing for the same promotion or vying for recognition can pit two otherwise likable people against each other.

The key is to recognize that these dynamics typically rely on perception, not absolute truths. Is the competition real, or is it something you’ve both exaggerated? Did they genuinely intend to offend, or was it a misunderstanding? Asking these questions is a great way to shift from labeling them as an opponent to considering the possibility of something better.

Finding Common Ground

To turn awkward tension into budding friendship, you have to start by finding common ground. Shared interests, experiences, or mutual goals are often the starting line for connection. If you're classmates, maybe you can bond over similar struggles with deadlines. If it’s someone from work, look for opportunities to team up on a project or brainstorm together.

Most frenemies aren’t inherently bad people. Rather, both sides may have simply gotten stuck focusing on differences instead of similarities. Zeroing in on what you have in common can change the narrative of your relationship.

A simple way to bridge the gap is by making small gestures of goodwill. Compliment their work, acknowledge their strengths, or invite them to join a casual group hangout. Sometimes showing a willingness to connect can make someone feel safer opening up in return. It signals that you’re interested in something more genuine, which can soften the walls built by misunderstanding or discomfort.

Addressing Tension and Misunderstandings

If your frenemy dynamic is rooted in tangible issues, like a past argument or perceived slight, addressing the elephant in the room might be necessary. It can be daunting, but clearing the air is often the first step in building trust.

Approach the situation with curiosity and compassion rather than defensiveness. Start a dialogue by acknowledging that things have felt strained and expressing your desire to move past it. For example, “I feel like we’ve had some tension in the past, and I’d love to clear things up so we can start fresh.”

Giving the other person an opportunity to share their feelings can also help uncover unspoken concerns. They might disclose that they misunderstood something you said or admit they felt slighted without realizing it wasn’t your intention. An open, honest conversation doesn’t just resolve lingering issues; it also creates a stronger foundation for mutual understanding.

If the tension is more subtle and not tied to a specific event, offering kindness or vulnerability can soften the mood. Sometimes showing you’re willing to put your guard down encourages the other person to do the same.

Shifting the Dynamic Through Positivity

When you’re stuck in a frenemy cycle, it’s easy to focus on the negative. You might zero in on their perceived flaws, rehearse old grievances in your mind, or anticipate snide comments before they even happen. To break free from this, you need to actively shift your focus toward positivity.

Start by reframing how you perceive the other person. Instead of dwelling on small annoyances, try to see them through a lens of curiosity. What motivates them? What are their strengths? Giving someone the benefit of the doubt opens the door to seeing their humanity, not just the parts that frustrate you.

Another tactic is to actively celebrate their wins. Even if you catch yourself feeling competitive or envious, congratulating them on an achievement can ease tension and show that you’re rooting for them. Positivity creates a ripple effect, often encouraging mutual goodwill.